I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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