I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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