i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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