I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All I want is dick and wine.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
