I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
