sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
