Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
