so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
