Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
