I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
