too bad you live with your parents still
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
