You're so nebulous sometimes
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
