I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
