i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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