I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
