i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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