I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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