I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
