I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
