I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
