All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
