that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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