I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
