Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
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