he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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