dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
