Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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