He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
