Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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