i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
