i permit you to call me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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