I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
