Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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