Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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