I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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