Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
