Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
