i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think pants incapable of making pants work
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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