Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
