My Higher Power is John Stamos
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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