the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
