So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
