somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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