a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
