just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
