WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize