I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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