Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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