At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
