I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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