I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
