I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
