he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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