Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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