i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
