haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
