i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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