And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
