I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
