You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
