what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
