I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
