On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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