Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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