Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
