well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
