I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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